Pillowcase

‘How’s that fair?’ said Bricks. ‘You’ve got four blank CDs an’ Oh’ve only got a badge.’
‘Swap it for somethin’ then,’ said Timott. ‘Ask him.’
He was pointing to a guy in an old, patched-up, pinstripe suit, carrying a large picture book called The Lost Thing. Bricks, walked up to him, followed by Timott.
‘Excuse me,’ said Bricks.
‘Yeah?’
Bricks showed him the badge.
‘Can I swap this for something better?’
‘Mmm, yeah. But it’s in me car. Wanna come get it?’
‘What is it?’ asked Bricks.
‘Come an’ see.’
Bricks looked at Timott, who nodded.
‘Orright,’ said Bricks. ‘Show us where you’re parked.’

[In case you were wondering why this section's called 'Pillowcase', it isn't finished.]

Sandwich

‘Hey Agent Magenta. How ya goin’?’
‘Hello Agent Saffron. I am well.’
‘Oh’ve found Item 232!’
‘You’ve found Item 232?’
‘Yep.’
‘Ahhh… how does it smell?’
‘Um… dunno. Oh didn’t get close enough.’
‘How far away were you from Item 232 when you sighted it?’
‘Mmm… five metres?’
‘Five metres? And you couldn’t smell it?’
‘Nah, don’t reckon Oh could.’
‘So you’re telling me you saw an egg sandwich that’s been missing since 1998, and it didn’t smell?’
‘An egg sandwich?’
‘Yes. Item 232 is an egg sandwich.’
‘Ohhhhhhh… did I say Item 232? Oh meant Item 323.’
‘That makes more sense. Where is it?’
‘It’s sittin’ on a window sill at the uni. In one of the students’ rooms.’
‘Agent Saffron. Do everything you can to get hold of Item 232. I mean Item 323. Then report to me.’
‘No worries, mate.’
Clickbeerpbeerpbeerp.
Agent Saffron pocketed his phone and headed for the cafeteria. All that talk about the egg sandwich had made him hungry. Item 323 could wait a moment.

Home

When Lois got home from winning bingo that afternoon, she was a little surprised to find a young man sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper.
'What're you doing in my house?!' she yelled.
'Your house?!' said Tederick, giving her a weird look, but in a way that Lois found somehow familiar. 'Don't you mean our house, Lois?'
'Who are you?! How do you know my name?!'
'I'm your husband,' said Tederick. 'Remember?'
Oh dear, he thought, she's getting all forgetful again.
'My husband's dea... coming home any minute now. I'm calling the police!'
'Don't be silly dear,' Tederick sighed. 'You remember me! It's me, Frank.'
Frank?! thought Lois. What on earth is going on?!
Then she saw the glove.
'Where did you get that?!'
'What?'
'That glove.'
'You knitted it for me, dear.'
Lois saw there was pain in Tederick's eyes.
It's not possible, she thought. But the glove... I gave it to that young man at the university today. And now this fellow turns up wearing it; says he's my husband.
Lois took two deep breaths.
'If you're my husband,' she said, 'how come you look younger? And how come you don't look like you've been rolled over by a hill?'
'Rolled over by a hill?' said Tederick. 'But I thought that must've been just a dream!'
Tears welled up in Lois' eyes.
'It wasn't,' she said. 'It really happened.'
'Then why aren't I flat anymore?'
'I don't know!' said Lois, bursting into tears.
'Come over here, dearie,' said Tederick, reaching out to Lois.
Lois sat down on the couch and they hugged.

CDs

'Ohkay,' said Tederick as he ate a sausage, 'so you want to give me that glove you're wearing, and me to give you something better?'
'Tha's right,' said Timott.
'Hmm... Oh dunno about that,' said Tederick. 'Does it come with a warranty.'
'No,' said Bricks. 'See, once we get something better of you, we'll swap that for somethin' better off someone else. So we won't be able ta reimburse ya.'
'Oh,' said Tederick.
'That's 'ardly fair,' said Timott. 'Back in my day, if there w's somethin' wrong with something you'd paid good money for, ya could expect a full refund! Not that you needed one very often anyway. Things just aren't made ta last these days.'
'That's right,' said Tederick. 'If there's something wrong with it, I should be able to get whatever I give you back.'
'Oh, alright,' said Timott. 'What're you offering?'
'Umm... Umm... What about some blank CDs?'
'How many?'
'There's five left in the packet.'
'Orright,' said Timott, 'hand 'em over.'
Tederick unzipped a pocket in his laptop bag, pulled the CDs and handed them to Timott. Timott took off his glove and gave it to Tederick, who put it on.

Button

Botox had gone and sat down on one of the benches at the edge of the courtyard, to watch the watermelon rugby while she ate her sausage. Timott and Bricks followed her over.
'Hey,' said Bricks, holding a sausage in one hand and a pack of cards in the other, 'can I swap these for somthin' better?'
'Operation Embryo?' said Botox.
'Yeah, how'd ya know?'
'What's this?' said Timott. 'Operation what?'
'Shut up, Timott,' said Bricks. Turning back to Botox, he asked, 'You doin' it too?'
'Um, nah,' said Botox. 'The Bach Pad? Mmm... not exactly my kinda scene. But when oh w's in first year a lot've the guys were trying get membership.'
'Okay, cool,' said Bricks. 'So can I swap these for something better?'
'Mmmm... how about one've these?' she said indicating the button-badges pinned to the left strap of her backpack
'Hmmm...' said Timott, 'orright.'
Botox unpinned one and gave it to Timott. It was black, with a pattern of blue bubbles on it.
'How about that one?' said Botox.
'Yeah, that one's good,' said Timott, handing her the cards.
'Cheers,' said Botox, putting the cards in her pocket, as a slippery watermelon landed on the bench next to her.

Frank

By this stage it was about one o'clock, so Timott and Bricks were getting pretty hungry. They decided to join the que for sausages.
'Nice glove, by the way,' said Bricks.
'Why thank you, laddie,' said Timott. 'My dear wife made it.'
Your wife? thought Bricks, raising his three eyebrows. Although he'd only met Timott the previous morning, when they'd both moved onto res, he was pretty surprised to find out that he was married, at only eighteen years old.
'How long've ya been married?' Bricks asked.
'Married?!' said Timott, nearly choking. I'm not married!'
'But you just said you were.'
'No I didn't!'
'Yeah ya did. I said the glove you got w's cool and you said your wife made it for ya.'
'No Oh didn't! Ya must've imagined it.'
'Nah. Oh didn't imagine it.'
'Oh don't worry, son,' said Timott, patting Bricks on the shoulder, 'I imagine things all the time these days. Mind's not what it once was. Why, I imagined a rollin' hill came up behine me an' squashed me flat, just th'other day.'
'Wha...?' said Bricks.
'Hmmm?' said Timott. 'What is it?'
'Ya jus' said you imagined a hill rolling over ya yesterday.'
'No Oh didn't!'
'Yeah ya did,' said Botox.
Botox had an Standing Tall t-shirt, and a ring through her nose, and was in front of them in the line.
'An' what w's that about yer mind not bein' what it used to be?' said Bricks. 'Are you trying to say that your mind hasn't always been a mind?'
'Yeah,' said Botox, 'what was it before it was a mind? A racoon?'
'You should watch that tongue've yours, young lass,' said Timott. 'Women should be seen and not heard, I've always said. Disgrace to your family! Ah! Wha' w's 'at for?!'
Botox had slapped him.
'Bein' a male chauvanist pig,' said Botox. 'And who're you to call me young anyway. Oh twenty-two; how old're you?'
'Seventy-six,' said Timott. 'Or is it seventy-seven?'
'You look a lot younger than that mate,' said Botox, giving Bricks a weird look, partly because she thought his friend was weird, but also partly because Bricks had three eyes.
'Younger than what?' said Timott.
'Seventy-six or seventy-seven. You must age well.'
Timott gave Botox a weird look.
Botox had now arrived at the barbecue, and was given a sausage, as were Timott and Bricks.

Glove

'See,' said Bricks, giving Timott a wink with his middlest eye, 'that wen' 'eaps better.'
'Mmm...' said Timott. 'Ya could be right.'
Timott spotted someone else in the que who looked bored. A grey-haired lady in a faded, purple cardigan. Probably a lecturer, he thought. Or a mature-age student.

'Hi,' said Timott, walking up to Lois.
'Hullo, dearie,' she said.
Student, thought Timott. Lecturer wouldn't say 'dearie'.
'I was wondering if I could swap this for something better,' he said, holding out the egg.
'Oooh. Maybe. I don't know.'
'Well, do you have anything you wouldn't mind swapping for an egg?'
'Wait a moment, duck; I'll see.'
Lois began to rummage though her handbag.
'What about this, pet?' she said, pulling out a single, red, knitted glove. 'I knitted it for my 'usband, Frank. But 'e died*.'
'Oh, that's awful,' said Timott, wondering why she carried a glove she'd made for her deceased husband around in her handbag.
'Will it do?' asked Lois, looking hopeful.
'Well,' said Timott. 'I suppose so.'
'Oh good.'
Lois gave Timott the glove, and he gave her the egg.
'I'd like to see you put it on,' said Lois. 'Please?'
'Ah, alright,' said Timott.
He put it on.
'Perfect fit!' said Timott, wriggling his fingers.
'Oh how nice! Take care, won't you?'
'Yeah, you too. Thanks!'
Later that day, Lois won bingo. She was quite pleased.

*Lois and Frank had taken a day trip to Daylesford. While looking at the beautiful, rolling hills, one had rolled up behind Frank and squashed him flat.